Watching the RNC

Last week's column in The Freeport Focus is presented here for a "fair and balanced" account of the other national convention.

Watching the RNC

Or Being Embedded with C-SPAN

By

Roland Tolliver


“Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you. Thank you very much.” --Every speaker at the RNC after their introductions.

Our media maverick, Al Bebach, spent the last week embedded with C-SPAN, otherwise known as Continuous Sarah Palin Action News, this past week during the Republican National Convention. He is a little blurry-eyed after his back-to-back convention attack, but he was willing to share his thoughts with us again this week. (If you missed last week’s convention coverage, it may be viewed at http://pretzelcity.blogspot.com/).

Roland: Tell me, Al, how was this convention compared to the DNC in Denver?

Al Bebach (AB): I didn’t see as many celebrities. There was Pat Boone and Jon Voight, but no Arnold or Clint. Nothing like the DNC with Oprah, P. Diddy, or a host of Hollywood’s biggest stars, who were all clamoring to touch the hem of Barack Obama’s garment.

Roland: How was the mood of this convention?

AB: Much more businesslike for the first couple of days. There was a rush of enthusiasm for Wednesday night, though. Everyone was waiting for the main speech of the convention.

Roland: Do you mean Mike Huckabee’s or Fred Thompson’s?

AB: No, you silly goof. I’m talking about Sarah “Barracuda” Palin.

Roland: What did she have to say to the adoring crowd?

AB: I didn’t follow the words at first, so I had to watch it a second time on You Tube.

Roland: Why didn’t you watch her speech the first time?

AB: Because I spent the entire time just watching her. She’s like Lois Lane, I was just waiting for her to take off her glasses and let down her hair. If Obama should be on GQ, Sarah will end up on Vanity Fair or something like that. McCain looked like a doting grandfather when they were on stage together.

Roland: What about the content of the speeches, though. Any unusual revelations like you noticed last week?

AB: Let’s see. There was Mike Huckabee who told a long story about students not having desks. I guess that was relevant for children’s left behinds.

Roland: I believe that is “No Child Left Behind” and he was talking about our veterans’ earning the right for us to have a free education.

AB: You don’t really know Huckabee’s sense of humor, do you? Then Fred Thompson spoke of alligators and swamps. I think he was referring to King Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table. Probably some off-handed reference to Sarah Palin’s dad, Michael, and his friends from Monty Python. I loved the Knights who say “Ni!” “Bring me a shrubbery!”

Roland: Michael Palin is British and is not Sarah’s dad. That would be funny, though, come to think of it. How did her speech go over?

AB: She was definitely the star of the convention. I don’t know that she laid any new policy information on the line, but she laid into the media and told us she did say no thanks to Simon and Garfunkel.

Roland: Simon and Garfunkel?

AB: Sure, she said, “Thanks, but no thanks for the Bridge Over Troubled Waters.”
Roland: That was the Bridge to Nowhere and she did support it at first when Senator “I’ll Fight My Indictment” Ted Stevens tried to get the appropriations for his state.

AB: Whatever. She was dynamic, eloquent and did I say, good looking?

Roland: Yes, you did, but what does that have to do with anything? If she was a man, you wouldn’t even bring it up, would you?

AB: You obviously missed last week’s column. Barack is the Rock Star and Sarah is now the Rock Goddess, though she wouldn’t like that title. You know? No false gods before me and all that. She made the main speaker seem shaky and unsure of himself by comparison.

Roland: You mean, Sarah Palin.

AB: No, Rudy Giuliani.

Roland: I was surprised that it took him almost to the end of his speech to mention 9/11. I realize that this week mark’s the anniversary of that most tragic day in American history, but surely he must have done something besides that in his life.

AB: You mean besides enjoying finding attractive women to marry?

Roland: Yes, besides that. What about the women who spoke other than Sarah Palin? Cindy McCain and Laura Bush were there, weren’t they?

AB: Yes. Cindy McCain had on an outfit complete with full accoutrements to the cost of over $300,000. Laura Bush ensemble was a mere $4000 or so.

Roland: Does that mean anything?

AB: The differences should tell you something. One comes from money and isn’t afraid to let it be known, no matter how many houses they have. The other one has served her country admirably and would probably like to return to a home on the range.

Roland: That brings us to the final night and the most anticipated event of the night.

AB: Obama being interviewed by Bill O’Reilly?

Roland: Ha! Ha! No, I’m talking about Senator McCain’s acceptance speech. Did he hit a “home run”?

AB: Let’s just say that he has served his country and that age shouldn’t matter as much as the American media makes it out to be of significance. On the other hand, he should probably be like most successful mates in a relationship and let Sarah do the talking from now on.

Roland: Thanks, Al. I can’t wait to hear your input over the next sixty days leading up to the election.

AB: It has felt like sixty months since this year’s election process started. I’m going to bed and hibernate until Christmas. Wake me when it’s all over.

Roland Tolliver is a freelance writer and contributor to The Freeport Focus and Village Voices. You may read additional writings and view photos from the Sesquicentennial celebrations at http://www.pretzelcity.blogspot.com/.