Watching the DNC

Watching the DNC
Or How to OD on the Democratic National Commercial
By
Roland Tolliver

“Thank you. Thank you all. Thank you all very, very much.” --Every Speaker featured on Primetime Television’s version of the long infomercial known as the DNC.

We put our friend and pundit in front of C-Span for four straight days to get his interpretation of the Democratic National Convention this past week. Our man of the hour, the pugnacious prognosticator of the press, Al Bebach, spent considerable time not only deciphering the double-speak and diatribe (don’t worry, in all fairness, he’ll report on the Republican National Commercial, er, Convention, if it is held next week), but reading “between the lines” or tells you what was not said, or at least omitted from the highlight reels.

AB: Should I start with the big speech?
Me: You mean, Senator Obama’s?

AB: No, you silly man. I meant the one by the woman in the tangerine travelling pant suit.
Me: Sure. Go ahead. What did she say?

AB: It wasn’t what she said. It was what she left out. “I’m here tonight as a proud mother, a proud Democrat … as a proud senator from New York … a proud American … and a proud supporter of Barack Obama.”
Me: So. What’s the problem?

AB: Don’t you think it was a little, well, rude of her not to mention being a proud wife? Bill is sitting there mouthing his little, “I love yous” and she doesn’t even acknowledge him.
Me: Maybe she was getting back at him for that Monica Lewinsky thing in the White House?

AB: Perhaps, but that had to be embarrassing for the former President. Then she brings up her support of Senator John McCain when she said, “Know the way. Know the how. Know McCain!” and then the whole crowd started shouting, “Know McCain!” I mean, wasn’t she at the DNC?
Me: I think she said, “No way. No how. No McCain.”

AB: That’s what you think. I had a chance to see a draft of the speech and I think she was subliminally trying to support McCain. She plans on taking her 18 million voters with her and going home to … now where did she say she’s from? New York, Illinois, Arkansas, Washington, D.C.?
Me: What else do you have?

AB: My favorite line was about the most important job being taking care of our families and to “help every child live up to his or her God-given potential … ”
Me: That sounds like a good idea to me.

AB: The most important line must have been cut from the telecast, though.
Me: And that was …?

AB: … except the ones that we never want to give the chance to be born … Every human life deserves a chance to reach his or her potential, but there is no chance if there is no birth. What is God-given about that?
Me: I see your point. How about any of the others? What about Joe Biden?

AB: Let’s see. “Barack and I took very different journeys to this very destination, but we share a common story …” What he left out was that he’s shared a common story with others before.
Me: What do you mean?

AB: Don’t you recall how he used the story of British Labor Party Leader, Neil Kinnock, even plagiarizing his words as his own during a speech at the Iowa State Fair during the 1988 presidential campaign? He did the same thing when he was in college, but it was only “stressless scholarship” then, whatever that means?!
Me: So, he’s told a few lies. That shouldn’t disqualify him as a politician.

AB: Touché, sir. Touché! Then there was his line “My parents taught us to live our faith, and to treasure our families.” He, like Hillary, keeps leaving out the caveat, except the family members that don’t get a chance to live in the first place.
Me: I’m getting the impression that you are pro-life, Mr. Bebach.

AB: Well, Mr. Biden and the rest of the speakers are definitely on the opposite side of the fence on that subject.
Me: That is a major part of the Democratic platform. It does seem to go against the grain of the faith that Mr. Biden was alluding to, doesn’t it? How about Bill Clinton’s speech? Any insights?

AB: I think he said it all pretty much in his second sentence, “Now, in the end, my candidate didn’t win.”
Me: I didn’t think it was the end, but isn’t it the beginning of the final stage of this race?

AB: Yeah, of course. What was in his mind’s teleprompter went something like, ‘Now I don’t get to go back to the White House. Man, I had some fun there, but if Obama doesn’t win the general election, then McCain will be really old, and Hillary can run again and … why did I get the primary process changed … why did we let Barack Obama speak at the DNC four years ago? Why? Why? Why? … and …’
Me: And, what?

AB: I don’t know. He went on so long that I fell asleep and when I woke up there was a sustained applause when I think he said something about concluding his speech.
Me: And then there was the spectacle of the final night and the historic nomination of this country’s first African-American for a major party candidate for President.

AB: Yes, there was. And it was a truly momentous occasion in our country’s history. But then he, like Hillary, managed to commend a variety of occupations, but with a plan for national health care, both failed to mention the people who will be providing this health care.
Me: The clinics at Wal Marts and Walgreens?

AB: No, though it may come to that. I’m talking about doctors. I guess they don’t fall into the category of “ordinary men and women” who “found the courage to keep it (the American dream) alive.”
Me: I suppose it is just reward enough to keep people alive.

AB: Yeah, I’m sure that’ll fit nicely on a placard. I have to admit that Senator Obama has a way with words, but he sure uses the words “I will” a lot. He seems to forget about a Congress that has to be dealt with, though he’s only actually spent about 150 days there since he was elected as an Illinois state senator, and there is the issue of actually winning the election first. Then he keeps referring to shows like “Eight is Enough.” I wonder if Dick Van Patten will have a place in Obama’s cabinet?
Me: I’m exhausted just listening to you. How did you stay awake to see all of those speeches?

AB: It was the politicians and speakers abilities to keep offering everyone in America so much hype!
Me: I think they were saying, “hope.”

AB: You don’t know much about politics, do you?

Dr. Roland Tolliver is a contributing writer for the Freeport Focus.