Dear Santa

My fellow columnist, Andrew Heller, from the Flint Journal, came up with a similar idea to the column that I wrote for The Journal Standard here in little ol' Freeport, Illinois this week. Unfortunately, part of this week's column was edited out due to space constraints in the paper I'm guessing. Anyways, here is the column in its entirety from this week. Hope everyone had a glorious and blessed Christmas.

Letters to Santa

by

Roland Tolliver



For somehow, not only at Christmas, but all the long year through, the joy that you give to others is the joy that comes back to you.

—John Greenleaf Whittier

Merry Christmas Morning to You! I have intercepted some letters that were directed to Santa, but due to the public figures involved in writing these, the letters were to be made available to all. So, here is a sampling...

Dear Santa,

I always, like, loved to hear that Dorothy sing in "The Wizard of Oz," but my favorite character was that Scarecrow guy. It may be because I could, like, relate to him. So, Santa, could you, like, um, bring me a brain for Christmas?

Love,

Britney Spears

Dear Britney,

Why don’t you wait outside with Paris, Nicole, and Lindsay tonight? I’ll see if I can get a four-for-one special. Like, totally, cool, eh!

Love,

Santa Dude

Dear Santa,

I seem to have lost my way. I never should have listened to my friend Tony Rezko. It seems that I put my own power and greed ahead of the people that I was elected to serve. I was going to ask for forgiveness or maybe some way of making restitution, but what I really want is some more hair gel. Thanks.

Yours in Power,

Governor Rod

Dear Governor Rod,

I think that there are quite a few things you could use before I stuff your stocking with hair products. Maybe I could provide you with common sense, a calculator that tells you the real numbers and damage you are doing to your state, and what it means to raid the working people’s hard-earned savings (think TSP). Instead, I’ll just hold off the feds and that possible indictment for a while longer.

Wishing I Were the Prosecutor,

Santa

Dear Santa,

I really need your help. I have been in office for six years and now I’m really at an all-time low. The voters chose Democrats to lead both the Senate and the House of Representatives. My poll numbers are slipping lower than Jessica Simpson’s IQ and now Rummy has left me. May I please give me a clue how to end this mess in Iraq? Thank you.

Respectfully,

President George W. Bush

Dear Mr. President,

There are some things that even Santa has a hard time getting someone for Christmas. I hope that Mr. Gates (not Bill, but the other one, Robert) will aid you in this endeavor. Let’s face it, though, you can’t keep hiding your head in the sand. Our men and women deserve to know what the real plan is. They’re the ones stuck every day in the sands of Iraq. Mrs. Claus and I would like to see them come home safely. Our best to Laura and the twins. By the way, have they been naughty or nice this year?

Wondering Where the Answers Are,

Santa

Dear Mr. Claus,

Perhaps you have heard of me. I have written two best selling books. They loved me in New Hampshire and even in New York. I am gaining momentum with a capital "MO"! I am eloquent, suave and debonair with a flair for the spoken language. I may have made a mistake in doing real estate business with a Mr. Anthony Rezko, but I got a great deal on my mansion. Mr. Claus, sir, what I am most in need of, however, is having done something of substance in my political career, besides, become the golden child of the Democratic Party. Will you help me?

I Could Be Great in ‘08,

Senator Barack Obama

Dear Mr. Obama,

Thank you for writing. The elves have been very busy this year building a platform. Perhaps, they could help you when they’re done. It would be good to have a foundation of substance on which to build your campaign. Let’s see, you did try to make amends with Senator McCain from Arizona and you once visited that nice little town of Freeport in northwest Illinois. And you... and you... well, good luck on that, sir. I wish you the best in your quest, but be wary of Illinois politics. It not only makes for strange bedfellows, but they can turn on their own in a hurry. Say hi to Hillary if she’s still speaking to you.

In a Non-Partisan Way,

Santa

That’s all the space we have folks. May you and your families have a very Merry and Blessed Christmas Day! Till next year....

Still the Same, Only Different

Bob Seger. Where has the time gone? First concert: 1974 at Cobo Arena, where he would record Live Bullet a year later. He played for $1 for a bunch of high school students who had participated in a March of Dimes fundraiser. We also had the "pleasure" of hearing Brownsville Station and a group called, Church. It was Seger that we had all come to hear, though.

Two years later at the Pontiac Silverdome there were 76,000 of us together to hear the local legend who had made a big splash with "Live" with the Silver Bullet Band. One giant sing-a-long, as we all knew the words. "Beautiful Loser" played on the 8-track of my Mustang Ghia as we drove to the concert. After listening to Elvin Bishop sing about how he "fooled around and fell in love" the crowd waited anxiously for Bob Seger to take the stage and I can't recall how long he played, but it was most of the new album plus a few other songs.

When Seger hit it big, he headed out to the streets of L.A. for some of his most successful albums. I saw him a couple of time during those years at Cobo Hall and Pine Knob where the tickets to each concert became harder to come by. He was Michigan's answer to Springsteen, but he had been at it longer, though for years mired in the regional success without the same level of national recognition. That was until "Night Moves" anyways. He then strung together a number of successful, millon-selling albums, including "Stranger in Town," and "Against the Wind."

After a long layoff, he came back with a decent, if nondescript album, "It's A Mystery." The tour, however, in 1996, was excellent and I was able to see him again, this time at the Rosemont Horizon in Chicago. Then the real hiatus took place and Bob Seger became family man, motorcycle dad, and yacht captain (winning the Port Huron to Mackinaw race twice). He stayed close to home in the Detroit suburbs and took the kids to school.

The love of music apparently never died, just like Rock and Roll Never Forgets. He kept writing and culled down his 60 new songs into the 12 that appear on his newest album, "Face the Promise." I wasn't sure what to expect of the concert, as his voice sounded weaker and raspier on his Rock and Roll Hall of Fame induction and during a few television appearances when the new album came out. He must have either a great vocal coach or some tricks to strengthen his voice because he was in fine form for the concert last night at the Allstate (formerly Rosemont Horizon) Arena.

His set was excellent and mixed with some hard rockers and his famous ballads. A few songs could have been left out, "Satisfied" and "Simplicity" weren't his best and could have added a few like "Fire Lake," "Like a Rock," and one of my favorites, "Jody Girl." All in all, though, he sounded stronger than he did in 1996 and that is saying something for the man who has gone from sweet 16 to 61. He has faced the promise and his fans are the ones who have benefited.
I hope we don't have to wait another 10 years to see him rock the house, though.